Brilliant, and everyone dreads working with her
Her output is the best on the team. Two people have asked not to be paired with her. This is the conversation that gets postponed for a year.
The brief
You are
A product manager who has just taken over a team of nine.
The situation
Sasha Bright is the strongest individual contributor on the team and the reason two of the last four retro sessions ended early. She interrupts, dismisses ideas sharply in front of the group, and rewrote a colleague's work over a weekend without telling him. Two people have asked, separately, not to be paired with her. You have been in the role six weeks.
What you want out of it
Make the impact of the behaviour concrete and undeniable, without attacking her character or losing her — and agree what changes.
What you know going in
- Retro on the 14th: she cut across Marcus twice and called an idea 'obviously wrong' in front of nine people.
- The weekend rewrite of Marcus's service happened without a word to him.
- Two people have asked not to be paired with her. Neither wants to be named, but both agreed you could describe what happened.
- Her delivery is genuinely exceptional and she knows it.
Who is on the other end
Sasha
Staff Engineer, your team
She opens guarded, and she is holding 4 things back — 1 near the surface, 1 that take real questioning, and 2 you will only get to if the conversation genuinely goes well. What they are, and what makes her say them, is the part you have to find. She is not scripted to volunteer any of it.
What the debrief marks
The objectives for this scenario, and the four axes every manager feedback call is graded on.
Clarity of the message
Did the person leave in no doubt about what specifically needs to change? Softening that obscures the message is the most common failure in this conversation.
Specific evidence
Was the feedback anchored in observable behaviour and dated examples, rather than characterisation ('you seem disengaged') or second-hand report?
Two-way handling
Did they listen to the response and adjust where there was genuinely new information, without abandoning the message when it got uncomfortable?
Result
Did it end with a shared understanding of what changes, by when, and what happens next — or with the manager relieved it was over?
How the call can end
Understood, change agreed
winThe message landed, was accepted, and there is a specific agreement.
Heard but defensive
partialIt landed and was not accepted. Better than most managers achieve.
Softened away
lossThe message got so padded that the person left thinking they were doing fine. The most common way this conversation fails.
Became a confrontation
lossIt turned adversarial and nothing was agreed.
Other manager feedback calls
Take this call
Giving behavioural feedback to a high performer without losing the message to the argument. 15 minutes, live voice, and a scored debrief you can replay. The first call is free.